Hitting Fast Forward

I want to begin by apologizing for the delay in getting this post out. I appreciate the messages of concern, but I am actually doing pretty well physically. My mind has just been preoccupied and as some of you know, Fall is a difficult time for me emotionally. I also want to apologize for not replying to the comments or the Contact me messages. For some reason the site hasn’t been sending me notifications and upon doing some digging, I found a bunch of messages from the past two months. I have updated a few things and hope that the problem is fixed. If you are someone with ALS who is reaching out, or a student who has questions for research purposes, please know that you are a priority and I will usually get right back to you. Thanks 🙂

When I was first diagnosed, my thoughts immediately focused on how much I was going to be missing out on. I didn’t really care about the places I would never get to travel to, or even the dreams I had left to fulfill, my main concern was not being involved in Silas and Olivia’s lives and missing out on what lies ahead for them. I felt this desire to fast forward their lives so that selfishly, I could witness their future selves and hopefully find them happy and well adjusted.

I know that might sound crazy, especially to those who wish they could keep their kids young forever lol. I have never been one to lament the kids growing up. I have appreciated each of the kids ages and love how their personalities have developed with each passing year. I wasn’t sad when they started kindergarten, in fact, when Silas started, my friend (whose daughter was in the same class) and I, practically ran from the classroom to the parking lot. Olivia began preschool the same year and for two hours, twice a week I was alone. Believe me, when you live in a city with no family nearby, those few hours were precious. 😉

In the almost four years since my diagnosis, I have been a part of so many important milestones. Both kids became teenagers and entered high school, and both have laid out their future career goals, a police officer for Silas and a nurse for Olivia. Obviously these plans might change, but it has been so fulfilling for me to help them choose classes that will be beneficial towards these professions and has allowed me to catch a glimpse of their future selves. I also got to experience Silas starting his first job (McDonald’s) and getting his learners driver’s licence. I never thought I would see the day when Olivia quit dance, but I did. This year she is enjoying soccer and more time at home instead. She also recently had her ear reconstruction surgery, something we have been anticipating since Olivia was a baby.

So while I can’t press fast forward on my kids lives, I can experience every moment, big or small and appreciate them for what they are. With each passing day I am seeing more of their personalities and values solidifying, and am able to imagine the adults they will become. I also take comfort in knowing that, from Heaven, I will have a front row seat to the main event.

Until next time…

Leanne xo